why does my heart feel so bad?

No reason for the title, just the title of the Moby track I’m listening to right now.

Well, I didn’t have that group meeting tonight after all, so I decided I’d do some stress-relief exercises with my thumbs, that is, playing PSX. Unfortunately it was not to be, as Sandy got some bad news from her mother: her cousin had died earlier today, when he was struck by a car in Toronto. I was cooking while she was on the phone, and then I looked over at her and there was a look of sheer terror on her face, so I moved the frying pan off of the burner and went to her. From the look on her face I immediately thought the worst: that someone in her immediate family had died, or maybe her adopted grandmother. (Later she told me that she thought the same thing at the same time). I didn’t know what it actually was for several seconds, while I was holding her, and a million awful things raced through my head as I tried to guess what it was that had happened.

Sandy didn’t go to her night class and I just went out briefly to buy some garbage bags and put some gas in the car. I’m having a hard time understanding because this has just never happened to me before. All I seem to do is just be there for her.

And I was going to quote some Guster here, but I can’t remember what I wanted to quote. Dammit. Tomorrow I’m not going in: I’m staying here and working on my group design document.


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