Author: chuma

You’re away for the weekend. I was going to be with you for it.

You’re sitting at a banquet right now. I wish I could be with you.

I’m beating my head ofer my work, because I have no confidence in myself.

I can’t blame you, because it’s not your fault. It would be nice if you were here though.

Must work. Fucking goddammit. I don’t want to do this don’t want to do this don’t want to do this.

So, I changed my essay topic again and it’s do-able. I did half of the reading now and started to put the points down, but then my wrist started hurting and I got on IRC. But I feel better about it, it’ll be alright even if it is a day late.

My parents stopped by this evening and I actually talked to them. I can’t figure out why I don’t feel comfortable about telling them things – I think maybe it’s because I’m trying to be independent and they’re not letting go. Anyways, I went on about all of my assignments and crap that I have to do and let some stress out. They brought me food and cookies. Oh, and I told them about Sandy, a month and a half afterwards 😛

Stupid rainy day. I hate dreary weather. Cold weather is okay, as long as there is lots of snow to go along with it. But today was just stupid rainy and humid.

Whenever I have schoolwork to do I always try to resist doing it. I procrastinate, I make excuses, and always I end up doing things at the last minute, usually accompanied by much anxiety. Is this because I’m afraid of failure? Unmotivated to do work? Don’t see the point in it?

Probably all of those things.

I uploaded some more recent photos of me.

This week is crazy. The past two nights and tonight I’ve been on the lighting crew for the Drama Department’s dramatic production, Dracula. It’s eating up a lot of time I should be spending working on school, and I missed soem meetings because of it, and I missed Buffy and Angel on Tuesday. Oh well. It’s a lot of fun and I’m very glad that I took the course.

After going through some stupid insecurities I have a clear idea of my relationship with Sandy. I don’t have to worry about her leaving me. I don’t have to worry about her not accepting me, or not understanding me, or us not being able to work through something. I can be insecure, and so can she, and so we have to help each other.

And now for something completely different.

I think soup is the best food type ever. I’ve been eating a lot of soup lately. Soup is just good all of the time, and you can put all kinds of things in it, and it’s easy to eat. Period.

Song: some random song on a tape I have

trashman didn’t get my trash today
oh why, because they want more pay
buses and taxies want a raise in fares
so they can help pollute the air

but that’s what makes the world go round
the ups and downs
a carousel
changing people’s heads around
go underground young man
people make the world go round

Lots of things in my head, but I just haven’t felt like writing in the past few days.

I had totally forgot up until this evening, but today was the graduation ceremony for the class of 2000 at my former high school. I watched most of the ceremony via webcast, so I got to wee Jordan, Sophie, Sari and Judy recieve their diplomas, and Mere’s sister Alison accepted her diploma as Mere’s in Nepal. I watched the presentations and listened to the valedictory and was reminded of my own graduation, formally severing my ties with a place where I spent one third of my life. I was heppy to hear the voice of my fomer Vice-Principal, Mr. Fautley, giving out diplomas and awards. I laughed at the usual jokes and such – it was a nice time warp.

Ironically enough, last night sort of reminded me of the house parties I used to love during my last year of high school. I spent much of last night relaxing with a dozen other friends in the basement, just hanging out late at night. It was great fun.

It’s time for my semi-regular list o’ things:

• Campus Co-op volunteer thing is moving forward. I met the sysadmin today in a meeting – a good guy. I’m looking forward to working on that site.
• This week and next I’m knee-deep in the drama department production of Dracula. This week is tech week, chock-full of rehersals, and next week are the performances. Yay! I’m having lots of fun.
• Sandy and I are doing great, thank you for asking 🙂 It’s strange that we are already talking about living arrangements for next year and I can actually envision us living together.
• My website is almost back to normal, thank dog. Web stuff is almost done, e-mail is back up, I still have to move the Newton Cage sometime soon though.
• I had a meeting with my compiler group today and they were nice to me this time, we had a good meeting and it looks like things are going to get done.

SSIs are working, many thanks to stany. Now to get rid of all of the evil frame stuff I started doing.