Category: my ramblings

In my philosophy class we are dealing with feminist interpretations of classic philosophical works. One of the main differences that keeps coming up is that men are more concerned with reason in their thinking and decisions, while women are more concerned with emotion.

I can’t help but be an analytical thinker. Everything that happens to me I analyze and make decisions according to reason and logic, and (usually) utilitarianism but sometimes also altruism.

For the past four months I’ve been with Sandy, and the past four weeks we’ve been living together. By the standards of the average person, this is called a fast-moving relationship. But I know that I don’t want to be with anyone else. I thought for a long time about moving in, and decided that I wanted to be closer to her, so I did. At the same time, I can’t help but think of the average: this is moving pretty fast. What if it is too fast? Sandy doesn’t seem to have this thought, but I do. I am worried that because I am not following some kind of norm, that I might be doing the wrong thing. I don’t know what the solution is. I want to find out, though, and the only way to do that is to move in with her. It also happens to be where my emotion drives me to.

Emotion scares me though, because of its non-rationality, and because every time I say something that my reason feels or has decided Sandy ends up in tears. I can’t understand why that happens to her. I don’t understand why she can’t sleep at night. I can’t explain emotion with reason and so it scares me.

Sandy, I want to be with you and stay with you. I have faith in us. But you have to understand that this is just how my brain works, and how I think about things, that’s all.

I hope that made some sense. I’m not sure how I can convince you that I’m not unsure, just scared. I never said that I didn’t want to be with you. I hope you don’t see posting this here as a cop-out but I have to go to my meeting now and I don’t have a better way of collecting my thoughts coherently. Since I probably made things worse, I’m going to go now.

I was just thinking about the random things that happen in life, and thought of the above line of BASIC code that I used to write to initialize the random number generator. Some random things:

Last night Sandy hurt her foot. There was a piece of doorway trim that had fallen down and had a nail sticking out of it and she stepped on it last night. She was initially pretty calm: I heard her say “There’s something in my foot?!” in a calm yet worried voice. I got to pull the thing out for her. For such a small hole, there was quite a bit of blood. I was really suprised at how cool I acted. Anyways, we dressed it up and everything and changed the dressing for her this morning. She’s hobbling around and it hurts of course, but it’s not as bad as it could have been. Amy and I drove her around today.

This afternoon Jordan ICQd me to tell me that she got a tatoo. She said that it was “her own homage to Man Ray [famous photographer]”. Apparently her tattoo looks like this photo. That’s pretty fucking cool, I can’t wait to see it.

I really can’t get enough of Our Lady Peace. They kick some serious ass. They’re a band, in case you don’t know.

Sometime last week I decided that I was going to stop being nice on the bus. I find in general that riding the bus in Guelph is a nicer experience than Toronto. But last week while lining up for the bus at the UC people were pushing me around and I simply got tired of being nice to people who were acting like jerks.

So, if you see someone waiting for the bus with large headphones and a red jacket pushing people around, it’s probably me. Don’t blame me, blame society.

Listening to Thievery Corporation.

I don’t have time to write here when I want to anymore. I get ideas, say to myself “I should write that on my webpage!” and then forget them later on, and then a few days go by and I finally get some time and get the editor open and then nothing comes out. It’s getting frustrating. I’m going to have to start using my Newton to record some of my mental chaff.

Moved on to the Fight Club soundtrack.

Today I did a lot of driving, which was good ’cause I needed the practice. I had a silly board meeting, where tensions run high and people can’t express themselves and actions get stymied by technicalities. It’s getting bad. I want to chair meetings, just to teach some people how to participate in meetings.

For some reason thinking about the Tribes games we used to play last year in residence. Sigh, the memories.

Today I thought about how lucky I am. I was talking with Mel and Sandy in the CASU office today and she mentioned that over the holidays that she had part of her kidney removed. I didn’t ask any further but I was suddenly aware of my own fairly good health. I know that a few of my friends have problems as well, and I don’t want to sound selfish, but I’m happy that I’m fine.

Last night while Sandy was making Lasagna for dinner, I made chocolate-covered pretzels. They’re dead easy to make and very delicious. You need:

• Pretzels. Use the small twisted ones, or if you live in Canada and have access to a store that sells President’s Choice products, buy the pretzels that are in a grid. They hold more chocolate that way.
• Chocolate. I suggest using milk chocolate baking wafers, but you can use chocolate chips or anything else you want. It is getting melted, after all.

Lay out a piece of tin foil to put the pretzels on to dry. Grab a microwave bowl or measuring cup and put some chocolate in – up to about 1/2 cup if you use a measuring cup. Nuke it in the microwave for about a minute, then stir until the remaining chocolate bits are melted. Don’t burn the chocolate. Grab some pretzels, dip them in the chocolate and place them on the foil. When they dry you can just peel them off the foil and put them into a container. When you run out of chocolate, just nuke some more.

I’ve been on a hiatus from writing here for a few days. Sorry ’bout that. I know everyone really wants to read the story of my life (especially all you CASUers).

This weekend was really good. It started on Friday when I went (gasp!) dancing. I had to make it up to Sandy for missing going dancing back on Tony’s birthday when I cut myself, so I couldn’t weasel my way out of it (try as I did). Lots of guys don’t like going dancing it seems. I think this is because somewhere between the ages of 8 and 12 we lose all sense of rhythm. Those who don’t try to make a living in music (a tough gig). Anyways, we (Sandy, Cait, Amy, Emily, the Nat and the Brad, and myself, maybe others too) went out to the Underground at around 10. I had been to the Underground once before, with Tony and his (former?) friend Darshni, for his birthday /last/ year, if memory serves me. Anyways, we were early, so we wasted some time playing pool (I won) and waiting for the rest of our friends to arrive, who eventually did: Becky, Suz, Joy, Tara, Tony, Nic, and Mark. As the night progressed, at points I actually enjoyed dancing, even though I was informed later that none of the guys has any sense of rhythm. Still, I enjoyed myself, if I was dancing or just relaxing on one of the couches watching the incredibly stupidly hilarious horror flick Jack Frost. I’ll never look at carrots the same way again.

Saturday we celebrated Cait’s birthday. The celebrations started with dinner at Angel’s Diner, a 50s themed restaruant. Twenty-two people showed up for dinner. It was great. Sandy’s brother Michael also showed up for the weekend so he came along, and promptly got into an argument with someone at the table. It was great. Even though I overreacted a bit about the dinner-argument thing, overall I think Michael’s a good guy. It was a little mean of us to drag him to dinner with a bunch of people he didn’t know. Just bad timing I guess.

The majority of the people who came to dinner came back to the House to watch movies and be happy. We watched two of Cait’s favourite movies, If Lucy Fell and Harold and Maude. I’ll have to watch the end of Harold and Maude sometime, as Sandy and I were too tired by then and went to bed. In between movies there was an interesting game of Truth or Dare which I was shamed out of playing, and apparently after Harold and Maude there was a no-holds-barred episode of Spin the Bottle.

“Ah, to be young again. And also a robot.” –Futurama

Cait had a great birthday, which made me happy. She has tons of friends and they all came and she got more presents than I usually get on my birthday and Christmas combined. Sandy and I bought a pinata and filled it with candy for her. Pete bought her U2 tickets (which woke up Snady and I when they arrived at around 2am). Damn lucky girl.

Song: Leave you Behind – Sleater-Kinney

Sleater-Kinney is a band that I started listening to a lot last semester. This semester I’m gaining an obsession with Sandy’s favourite band, Our Lady Peace.

Just finished reading the Ghost in the Shell manga. drool. I want a Fuchikoma, like, right now. They’re so cute!

Score from The Virgin Suicides: very cool. Go buy it. Air deserves your money.

I really want to go to a concert. During exams last semester I really wanted to drop everything, drive down to Buffalo and see Guster and Barenaked Ladies. After that, I could have died the happiest man alive. I really want to see BNL live but I also want to see Guster. Guster’s back in the studio recording, though. Cait and Joy are going to get tickets for the U2 concert in Toronto on May 24 (what a good day for a concert in Canada – May two-four!)

I decided that I’m going to come back “home” to Toronto for the summer, ’cause I like working there and I need to work there. I’m so broke right now it’s not funny. I’m not so afraid of my parents anymore either.

“I have my snark rights” –Cait

I should record more quotes down in my Newton.

I changed the title of this page, but I’m thinking I should change the colours or the photo as well. Last night I collected most of the photos I’ve taken on my computer and shoved them all into one directory so maybe I’ll look in there and try to find something cool.

Looks at web logs… how the heck did someone find my site from Yahooligans?

No, really, I don’t. 13 minutes to class, just a quick thought.

Today I get to discuss the rest of my life. Looking forward to it? No.

when you see a man on a crane hacking pieces of ice off of the roof of a building with an ax.